Interaction with a person happens across several levels. We get to know someone. We're struck by what we see first. Not looks, but the vibe or the aura of the person. And when we feel drawn by it, we fall in love with that person. And unwittingly create a judgement of the person and put them in a frame we made for them. Now that person has a definition inside our head.
A few levels later, we've gotten to know the person much more. And also taught them what we think of them. On many an occasion, one learns more about oneself, or at least what others think of one, when one learns of others' definition of one. And on twice as many an occasion, that definition starts bothering one. The definition restricts. It confines. It insults.
The definition is a picture of how much of your personality matters to the other party. The frame cannot be adjusted, widened or altered in any way. Once you exhibit a thought, action or emotion not included in the frame you're considered as not being yourself.
But does there exist something as not being oneself? Every action is a result of one's thoughts. And one's thoughts are one's own. They are our assessments of our situations, products of our experiences and observations and an outcome of our conscious and subconscious thought process.
What stands out in us at first meeting need not necessarily be the representative of every experience or emotion we've had or are capable of having. The first impression may be the best, but it's not complete or all-informing. To restrict a person's thinking or emotional capability is to dishonor the person's character. It is demeaning to perceive it as something shallow, keeping the parts that please us and discarding the rest.
What one can feel is something that can't be defined or put in a frame. Different experiences evoke different reactions and feelings in us. To tell one that one isn't being oneself is to be selfish and not trouble ourselves with the rougher patches.
And love has never been selfish. Love always gives. It is the fittest synonym for selflessness. Love doesn't come at the cost of making a person feel shallow or insulted. It doesn't gloss over the ugly things. Love doesn't expect. It accepts.
Loving one's own self happens when no frames are formed or existing ones are broken. To define who we are now, where we want to be or what we want to achieve is healthy and perhaps even necessary. But to define in essence what we are allowed to be and what we want to be to fit others' definitions of us or please others is to cage ourselves. It is to prevent ourselves from exploring and experiencing, most importantly of other things, fulfillment and self-satisfaction and in turn loving ourselves.
