Reflections

Love doesn't expect. It accepts. You fall in love with something that you see or feel, not what you would like to see.

Interaction with a person happens across several levels. We get to know someone. We're struck by what we  see first. Not looks, but the vibe or the aura of the person. And when we feel drawn by it, we fall in love with that person. And unwittingly create a judgement of the person and put them in a frame we made for them. Now that person has a definition inside our head.

A few levels later, we've gotten to know the person much more. And also taught them what we think of them. On many an occasion, one learns more about oneself, or at least what others think of one, when one learns of others' definition of one. And on twice as many an occasion, that definition starts bothering one. The definition restricts. It confines. It insults.

The definition is a picture of how much of your personality matters to the other party. The frame cannot be adjusted, widened or altered in any way. Once you exhibit a thought, action or emotion not included in the frame you're considered as not being yourself.

But does there exist something as not being oneself? Every action is a result of one's thoughts. And one's thoughts are one's own. They are our assessments of our situations, products of our experiences and observations and an outcome of our conscious and subconscious thought process.

What stands out in us at first meeting need not necessarily be the representative of every experience or emotion we've had or are capable of having. The first impression may be the best, but it's not complete or all-informing. To restrict a person's thinking or emotional capability is to dishonor the person's character. It is demeaning to perceive it as something shallow, keeping the parts that please us and discarding the rest.

What one can feel is something that can't be defined or put in a frame. Different experiences evoke different reactions and feelings in us. To tell one that one isn't being oneself is to be selfish and not trouble ourselves with the rougher patches.

And love has never been selfish. Love always gives. It is the fittest synonym for selflessness. Love doesn't come at the cost of making a person feel shallow or insulted. It doesn't gloss over the ugly things. Love doesn't expect. It accepts.

Loving one's own self happens when no frames are formed or existing ones are broken. To define who we are now, where we want to be or what we want to achieve is healthy and perhaps even necessary. But to define in essence what we are allowed to be and what we want to be to fit others' definitions of us or please others is to cage ourselves. It is to prevent ourselves from exploring and experiencing, most importantly of other things, fulfillment and self-satisfaction and in turn loving ourselves. 

INSIDE

I didn't have to wait too long. And I didn't just get a sign, I got all the answers.

A lone lamppost stood at the turn. During the day, it bathed in the Sun and in the evening gave light. 

It did its duty fine and gay.

But the passing days settled on it dust and grime.

The dirt didn't let it enjoy the Sun or give light like before.

Its spirits fell.

Then one evening came the rain

Washing away the dirt.

It came for the lamppost

For the lamppost had called to it in dire need.

The lamppost found its light again

And went back to what it loved the most:

Loving itself.

That's pretty much the story of how I got my answers.

Where's the light?

Right now, this moment, I feel like doing exactly what Elizabeth Gilbert does at the beginning of "Eat Pray Love" : breakdown on the bathroom floor. And the same question resonates in my head "How did I end up here?"
I've known myself for quite some time now having spent almost 18 years with myself. And of all the people I've met, I've been the hardest for me to understand. I feel like I have a third person view of myself at times, looking from another dimension and thinking "Is this what I am? And what exactly am I?"
The questions are endless. But I seem to be facing a blind alley when I look for the answers.
What exactly are we? What the society thinks of us? What people who matter to us think of us? Or what we think of ourselves? And in what way are we supposed to think of ourselves?
And for me the question that seems to be nibbling at my mind is "Are my opinions of certain things influenced by the opinions of people who matter to me?"
My view is mine and I stand by what I believe in, but am I too flexible in some situations? And is that bad?

"Being in two minds" is what I seem to be experiencing now. There's one part of my mind that wants to throw out a certain element and there's the other where that element is firmly lodged and is hard for me to throw out. If there's a solution to this, I'm yet to find it.

On lookout for a sign. 

A Serendipitous Tryst

The weather here today is overcast. I could feel the sad romance in the air calling out to me, so I decided to desert my math books today and instead took up a book by L.M.Montgomery. It was the perfect weather for some good old Prince Edward Island stories. I read the story Fancy's Fool again and inspired by it, actually penned down a romantic poem (which is very rare for me)! I like to call it "A Serendipitous Tryst". 

As the unseen stars
And the unheard music
Guided his feet,
He walked up the steps
Unknowingly
Toward a path
that faintly seemed
to speak of 
Enticement and beauty

She drifted in through the rusty gates
Lost in a reverie.
Reminiscent of a distant evening.
Was that a dream?
But a dream so beautiful
Reality lost competing.

She moved further
And stopped short
For was she to see
Coming up the steps
A fragment of her dream

He picked his way 
Through stone and rock
To tread the path
Where his breath stopped
For enticed was he. 

At first sights were exchanged
Then were words.
And unseen and unheard
A bond was formed,
And lasted long,
On the old stone wall.  

Witty Signboards

When people hear I'm on a year off, they say "Wow that's so cool...You should enjoy your free time now... you'll never get this again..." Well, it's not all that cool. And I don't know if I ever do want this again. I'm not a person who jumps at the task in hand with full energy if given the chance to choose my own deadlines. That too with such a long time, it's really hard to be energetic all the time. Laziness doesn't chip in in my life these days, it hardly ever chips out! Though I do work on my studies everyday, there is not a day that passes without me stretching and yawning midday. Then I have to take a break and do something else.
Today, when I decided to do "something else" I stumbled upon some funny signboards. So I'm going to humour you with some of them.

This one is outside a temple in Bali. Balinese are extremely religious people. The book "Eat Pray Love" is invaluable when it comes to knowledge about Balinese traditions, and even otherwise is an insightful book.

                                              Here are some witty signs outside restaurants

Girls, I know one place you wouldn't want to go to on a date......

A SWIMMING POOL AD

I strongly advocate this ad. It used to happen to me when I was little.

Creative and to-the-point. 

                                                   Quite a word of praise about the police!

                                                           
                                                              This is the funniest!!

HEAVY BAGS AND HEAVIER MINDS

5:00 am. The alarm goes off. The day begins with ‘a’ plus ‘b’ the whole squared. Breakfast is with Sinx and Cosx. Over the course of the day the visitors range from acetaldehyde to propanoic acid while the Avogadro number is of course a constant. The lullaby at the end of the day is a medley of complex numbers, co-ordinate geometry and relativity.

This is how the day of a typical high school student goes. This ritual continues into college (engineering colleges, of course). Interestingly, this trend began hardly a generation back.  With the growing obsession of ranks and placements, the real meaning of education has been lost. Certainly, exams are necessary and ranks are essential in the allocation of seats to a huge number of students such as in our country. But when interest and healthy competition change to pressure, it shouldn’t be a surprise that although we produce more engineers than the US, 80% of them are unemployable. 

From being a serious and difficult terrain to tread on, engineering has evolved into a go-to course for anyone out of school and clueless about their next step. With 535 engineering colleges in our state, soon their number would be giving competition to the number of tea stalls around.

In the 1930s and 40s, children (now grandparents) barely completed their schooling. But their knowledge is more profound compared to the formula-reciting, tuition-going children of this age. Academic stress was unheard of back then. But the atmosphere in which they were raised taught them to handle any kind of stress as opposed to the fragile minds of today’s children which is clearly revealed by the growing suicide rates among teenagers. Alarming acts of childhood violence these days show that the aggressiveness of students has reached an all-time high. While our schools may be developing the logical reasoning parts of the brain, the cognitive areas are left unattended to. Organization, planning and social skills are as important as academics. A child should be given the space to learn from the surroundings as it was in our grandparents’ times. What is learnt can be appreciated more if learnt in an engrossing way.

A clear and calm mind is the first step to achieving a goal. So, surely, learning can also be done minus the pressure and tension. Education should culminate in the full realization of a student’s potential, having given him tools to wield his mind productively in the world while instilling in him a sense of passion. This would enrich our country and make the halcyon days of childhood and youth a joyful memory to recollect for every individual. 

MY WHEELED COMRADE!

I met you years ago. There was no need for an introduction. I immediately fell in love with you. Our relationship began with falls and bruises. But I cherished them because I was learning to get along with someone who would eventually go on to become an important part of my life. It didn't take long for us to become great friends. A single jerk of my hand and you would do as I wished.People, places, experiences weaved in and out of my life. Ponytails became plaits and my uniform skirt became a salwar but you stayed with me through it all silently.

You’re my flying carpet, my Firebolt, my Range Rover. You have gone down with an occasional puncture but you were back up and going without any complaints once you were fixed. I've abandoned you for months together but you've never retorted. You understood always.

And now in my dire need of you, you've come back like a bright ray of sunshine, once again reminding me that there’s always hope and joy around. You’re my most faithful companion, Sun or rain. What would I do without you, my bicycle!

LIGHTS… CAMERA… IMPRESS!

On a sultry Sunday afternoon, as my lazy eyes move over the television screen completely devoid of any interest, suddenly a spark goes off in my mind. The eyes lose their laziness and opinions start flooding my head at the sight of an advertisement. One thing common to all TV channels, be it a sports channel or a news channel, is the famous “short commercial break”. The advertisers have done it all – pins, pens, paints, pants… what not?

Sometimes the ads are more engaging than the actual program. It is indeed interesting to see how the hero of the ad overcomes hurdles that include street dogs, children playing on the streets, barbed wires and manages to outrun the bad boys chasing him to spectacularly save his soft drink bottle. All this is accomplished within a maximum of 60 seconds which earns the ads more points and fans. The swift movements of the actors coupled with the energetic jingle in the background pronounce the ads as surefire successes. It’s not just the foot-tapping ads that are well received. The soft, thought-provoking ones stand long in the minds of viewers. If the ad happens to feature a child between the age of 3 and 7 – fans assured. It doesn’t just have to be children. Large animate cartoon-like characters speaking a made-up language not even the director can understand are all the rage now. And to turn this adorable creature into a superhero all one has to do is tie a red cape around its neck and make use of advanced animation programs to make it fly around the world saving people. Audience impressed! Sales hiked! Manager happy!

The truth is that viewers don’t know what ads they want. It all lies in the hands of the ad-maker to get the desired response from the audience. And that response is not going to be obtained by following the old beaten track. Generation after generation of steel and cement companies have claimed to be the strongest. All of their ads sport the same old dilapidated house which after renovation is nothing less than Taj Mahal II. All the construction material ads are so similar it is a Herculean task to tell one from the other.

Ads that don’t tell the viewer anything about the product are of little help too. The ad where the wife breaks into complicated brigas of classical music trying to provide competition to her husband’s guitar has as much connection to cooking oil as Aryabhata to rock music. Quite frankly, an ad that has nothing to say about its product will hardly gain a shred of seriousness or respect from the viewers. 

Advertisements are a means of connecting with the common man and making him understand that the producers know what his needs and wants are. So, it is extremely important that the advertisers make wise use of their chance to capture the viewer’s heart. Though ads do annoy us viewers now and then by interfering with our TV shows and movies, we have to sit through them because for the sponsors – har ek ad jaroori hota hai!

The Yellow (Metal) Fever

Since childhood, the one dish that has been common to all dinners at home is the evening news. Along with vegetables, rice and mom’s health advice we kids fed on political clashes, corrupt spiritual gurus, bombings, burglaries and everything else that went on in our fascinating world. After all these years of keeping up with the goings-on, I would without doubt give the award of “Most striking rapid elevation” to the “Precious Metals’ Prices” department or as more commonly known, “The Gold Rate”.

The moment the name of the sponsors of the gold prices section appear, an invisible pause button is pressed at home and everyone goes into freeze mode. Teeth stop chewing, tongues stop chatting, hands stop serving and eyes become so glued to the idiot box (in this case, god-sent information box) that only a natural calamity could win our attention.  We watch keenly as the prices are flashed on the screen (which is invariably bad news). Then come the shocked gasps, groans, tchs and cha’s.

Over the years, gold and silver prices have been rising, at times gradually and at others in leaps. After every news broadcast, my grandparents would reminisce about the days when my granddad bought gold earrings for my grandma for a mere Rs.70. They would also talk about the good old prices of rice, wheat and vegetables in the good old days. Everything cost less back then and produce was ample in terms of quantity and quality. But even today, though the prices have gone up, the lust for gold hasn’t come down a bit among the conservative South Indian families. Some people rush to the shops the day the prices fall (which is by a maximum of Rs.10/gram) to buy how much ever they can with the money saved in anticipation of this glorious day.

This mad rush is because the shiny yellow metal is more than just jewellery to us. Gold symbolizes wealth, dignity and pride in our hierarchy. An Indian wedding isn’t complete without rows of women glittering from head to toe and observing hawk-like what their counterparts have adorned themselves in. It is a mark of prestige to them. Also, how much gold the bride brings as dowry is a matter of supreme importance to kith and kin. 

But GenY in our jeans and T shirts have little or no craze for gold jewellery. But that might change as we grow old as this “golden tradition” is not something that can be shrugged off in the course of one generation. It will take many more generations to come to alter the trends and who knows, maybe aluminium jewellery will be all the rage in a couple of decades given the skyrocketing prices of our precious gold. Until then gold will glitter and gold rates will be served with dinner everyday. 

My Foray Into Blogging

Like many other 90's kids, I've traversed the lanes of e-mail, Messenger, orkut, facebook and now entered the avenue of blogging which is already populated by my peers. Though I initially was firm on not stepping into this arena, an eagerness for experimenting has pushed me in and hopefully, it will leave me with a pleasant experience. 

Chronicling the events of my currently boring life is not what I intend to do here. The point of this experiment is to see if I can eliminate the boredom. So "boredom" is one word I'll try to avoid after this sentence. 

My take on matters I'm interested in and my sometimes amusingly bizarre thoughts will decorate this blog. The world around me, through many instances, sets afire my grey matter and nudges me to put pen to paper and let my thoughts flow into written words. For me, writing is passion, relaxation, entertainment, analysis and self satisfaction. My passion extends to architecture, which is what I want to dedicate my life to, admiring photography and music and of course, reading, which is a love of my life. Spanish has joined the list recently and I'm enjoying every step in learning this idioma esplendido. My great friends give me everything a friend has to give and I'll always feel bereft of life without them. In fact, 2 greatest friends of mine are the reason I ventured into the arena of blogging, seeing as they may be the only viewers of my blog [ :P ] , and both being expert bloggers already. 

I sign off for now with a request to my grey matter and pen to work together in making this experiment work. 

Hasta la vista!